Whatever You Say, Bounces Off Me and Sticks To You
by mochamaker
Summary: Sequel to I'm Rubber, You're Glue;  Who has the sticky fingers? Seven and Janeway play a pair of detectives, and no Seven does not get to carry the gun, or use the restraints.


I do not own the characters of ST: Voyager; no profit made from this story.

Rated T

Sequel to I'm Rubber, You're Glue.

Whatever You Say, Bounces Off Me and Sticks To You

"Captain, I am sorry I was not able to get you out of there; my nanoprobes failed my strength requirement," Seven told me once we reached the mess hall. Her speech pattern makes me laugh sometimes and now would be one of them. Leave it to Seven to be upset her super-human strength could not release her intrepid Captain.

Seven and I sat at our usual table and discussed my less than expedient rescue, but I just can't be upset with her over not being able to get me out of the restroom. Now the little pile of targ manure that glued me in there, well they will most certainly feel my wrath. I sip my coffee and decide to ask Seven for her assistance in locating the culprit. Her instincts have much improved since arriving on Voyager and becoming immersed in this very unique and different culture we call home.

I reach out my hand and gently touch her wrist to get her attention and say in a soft voice so as not to be overheard by any wandering ears, "Seven, I am very disturbed thinking that locking me in the restroom is someone's vast idea of a practical joke. I would like to find out who it was and I would like your help if you would be willing." I look into Seven's blue eyes and cross the fingers of my hand I have under the table for good luck. If Seven helps me then it will mean spending a little more time together each day; I really try hard not to smile and giggle like a school girl, it would be not very Captainly to do so in public.

Seven leans forward on the table to respond, obviously figuring out this is to be a secret until justice prevails over the crewmember caught with the sticky fingers. "Captain, I will run a scan to determine which individual was in the corridor prior to your arrival." Hmm, most definitely a good idea. I take a big gulp of coffee. I can't believe I was without coffee for a few hours today; I know I love the stuff, but jeez I about knocked Torres on her butt, and I practically dragged Seven all the way to the Mess Hall just to feed my addiction. Mmhhmm, maybe Tuvok can arrange some group therapy. I gaze deep into Seven's eyes, thinking gosh they sure are a perfect shade of blue, like a cool swimming pool on a hot day and I just want to fall into them.

Seven and I finished our beverages and decided to meet in Astrometrics in two hours to go over her findings. I left Seven and went to the Bridge to find out the results of the brief attack by that little ship on Voyager. I strode onto the Bridge with all the bravado of a peacock fluffing its feathers, and glaring down to the helm at Tom Paris, the ship's resident practical joke puller. If he had anything to do with the superglue incident, then I suspect Torres and I will both toss him in the Brig. I really don't want to demote him from his recent demotion of Ensign down to a Crewman; It would be like kicking him out of Starfleet, again, and I just can't do that. Tom Paris has helped this ship and crew to often the past few years.

I take the Captain's seat and request an update from Chakotay and hearing what I expected; I get up and walk over to Tuvok at the Security station. "Tuvok, meet me in Astrometrics in two hours." Tuvok lifted his pointed eyebrows and responded in the affirmative. All right, I have my two most trusted friends to assist me in locating the weasel with the tube of glue. Tapping my chin, I realize Kneelix might also be of assistance to my rebel squad. I leave the Bridge again, giving Chakotay a wave and telling him, I will be in the Mess Hall for a bit catching up on reports. Ahhh, subterfuge for anyone on the Bridge who might have played a part and listened to my departing speech.

In my infinite wisdom I switch direction from the Mess Hall to check on the progress of un-sticking the doors to the latrine. I really hope they come apart; the rations to make new doors and the time to put them in are just something I'm not willing to have my people spend time and energy on. Arriving at the venue of my temporary captivity, I nudge the sprawled Torres, getting her attention.

"Lieutenant how are you doing with this?" I wave my hand in a circle motion, trying to encompass the door in my hand gesture. Torres stood up and brushed off the carpet residue from her elbows and knees.

"Well, Captain it looks like whoever did this, did it with the intent of these doors never opening again. The person locked in that restroom would be stuck for a while." She looked me in the eyes and gave a brief nod of seriousness.

"Well it's not like the person predicted the attack on the ship knocking out the transporters or the pure dumb luck that it was their Captain using the room."

I raised my eyebrow at Torres and she just kept looking at me in a 'don't be dense' expression.

"B'Lanna, I want you to join the 'find the culprit' party I'm having in Astrometrics in an hour. Be there if you can barring any other complications, and if you still can't get that door open then the person that glued it together will have the fun experience of ripping it out and installing the new set. Oh and please do not inform anyone of the meeting; my security is at risk because of this 'joke'." I turned away and headed over to the Mess Hall with the hopes she got my under breath message of 'do not inform you husband'. Practically the entire Senior Staff will be meeting in Astrometrics and since news travels on this ship faster than light speed, I bet the whole damn crew knows which also means so does the super gluing weasel.

I arrive at the Mess Hall finding it relatively empty for the time of day, and decide to have a sit down discussion with Kneelix; he might understand the secrecy of the situation better that way. I take a corner table and wave him over once I have his attention. He smiles at me the whole way over to my table so he must be excited to see me.

"Captain, what can I do for you this fine day?"

"Would you take a seat for a minute, I'd like to discuss something with you."

"Of Course of course Captain, what seems to be the problem?"

I take a deep breath and not really sure how to explain just plunge ahead and spit out the short version of my captivity and the up and coming meeting in Astrometrics following up with a request for him to attend if he is able. I explain it is a secret and to not mention it to anyone. He nods in agreement and gets up from the table to continue his cooking with a less than cheerful expression on his hairy features. "Well son of a Captain's bitch," I mutter on a low voice. I get up from the table and stomp out of the Mess Hall getting a few side-glances of amusement as I go. Yep, the whole crew knows. I shake my head and head down to Astrometrics to see what Seven has got so far in regards to the search.

I enter the lab and see Seven standing at her station and peering intently into her workstation monitor. She turned to the entrance and gave me her version of a smile: a gentle uplifting of the corners of her mouth. I give her a big smile in return and walk over to stand beside her while she works.

"Seven, did you discover anything in regards to which crewmember glued me in?"

"I have contacted Tuvok and became authorized to play back the security recording for that corridor three hours prior to your entrance into the lavatory. I see many crewmembers going by due to the entrance to the holodecks being on deck 6, but I must inform you that it appears Harry Kim 'has the sticky fingers'."

I just glare at Seven in disbelief. Harry is the one; little naïve Harry Kim stuck me in the freaking restroom. My thoughts all but growl at me to march over to the Bridge and yank him up by his too tight tucked in uniform. That little….. Seven interrupts my thoughts of revenge by clearing her throat. She is gazing at me with a 'don't kill me, I didn't trap you' look.

"Well if you wouldn't mind informing Tuvok of the results and have him escort Harry delicately to my ready room. Please inform Torres and Kneelix when they arrive. I'm going to take a little walk to calm down then I will call a senior staff meeting after I meet with Harry." I turned and rapidly walked with a mission, a mission to not commit homicide. I shake my head as I walk, still not quite believing Harry glued me in. What was his reason? I hope he isn't too afraid of confessing to tell me the truth. Damn, and to think I was planning to promote the Ensign to a Lieutenant next month. I keep walking until I hit the turbo lift to go to the Bridge and my ready room to await the arrival of Tuvok and Harry.

I give the Bridge crew a nod, trying not to look at Harry too long lest I give away my mirth at him in my gaze, and stride steadily into the ready room. I walk to the replicator for a fresh and hopefully hot cup of Joe, and then move to my desk chair to organize my interrogation questions in my mind. Harry and Tuvok walk in as requested. I walk around my desk to stare Harry in the eyes, not talking to him, just glaring at him. He blinks rapidly and licks his lips often; a sign he is nervous.

"Harry, why?"

"Permission to speak Captain?" Harry asked in a shaky voice. I give a nod and move my hand out in a 'go on' gesture.

"Captain, I did not intend for you to be the one stuck. I knew Tom was in holodeck two and his routine is to visit the latrine before heading off the deck. I jammed the stall latches while he was in the holodeck and waited around the corner until I heard the entrance doors whoosh open. I stayed around the corner out of sight, which meant I was not able to actually see if it was Tom entering the restroom. I had no idea the other holodeck was in use or that the time was up at the exact time of Holodeck two. I am so sorry Captain. I just wanted to pay Tom a little revenge for all the jokes he has played on me."

Ahha so I was not the intended target. I feel better at that confirmation; I hated the idea of a crewmember maliciously trying to hurt me by trapping me. Now what punishment does Harry deserve? Hmm. I know how he must feel frustrated at Tom and his ridiculous jokes, having been on the receiving end of a few myself.

"Harry, because you didn't bother to confirm that it was Tom who entered, you get to pry apart the doors and purchase new ones. I think Tom will help you install as per his punishment for unintentionally provoking this incident. I believe that is fair; do you accept the terms?"

"Aye, Captain."

"All right Ensign, your dismissed." I watch Harry practically running out of the ready room followed by Tuvok slowly exiting. I walk back around my desk and call a Senior Staff meeting over the ship intercom, and imagining Tom's expression, give a laugh.

In the conference room, I take my seat and watch the entire of my Senior Staff march into the room and are seated. I put on my 'pissed off' mask and sit back in silence. Every crewmember but Seven and Tuvok look at me with a bit of fright in their eyes. I give Tuvok the okay to explain the situation for me, and once he is finished I get up from my chair and walk over to Tom Paris.

"Tom, it has come to my attention that you have been playing jokes on the crew as a source of your entertainment. Is this a correct fact?" I glare down at him, watching his eyes dart to Harry and then back to me.

"Uh well, Captain, it was all in good fun. It really wasn't supposed to hurt anyone."

"Tom, it hurt Harry's feelings and as a result I got trapped in the freaking latrine instead of you. I ordered Harry to purchase new doors to replace the super-glued ones and I think it would be fitting that you give him a hand. No, it is not a request. I am ordering you to assist him in replacing the broken doors. I think it would be wise for you to not play any jokes for a while. Sound good?"

Tom gave me a submissive nod, and then glared at Harry. I just chuckled under my breath at the two friends. I wonder what Tom will do to pay Harry back for his punishment of laborious work.

"All right everyone; you are all dismissed for now. Let's get back to work and get this ship to Earth sometime in this century."

Every crewmember exited the conference room in a rush to get back to work and to avoid any further orders from their delightful Captain. I just chuckle under my breath; some days I really do enjoy this job, despite the feeling of being a parent to one hundred and fifty crewmembers. With a sigh, I sit back in my chair and gaze at the stars in silent contemplation of our journey so far. I wonder if we will get home and what adventures we might experience along the way. Sometimes in life, you just have to sit back and enjoy the ride.

**A/N: I originally wanted to leave a cliffhanger of who was the sticky fingered culprit, but then I realized that is mean so I tapped out a sequel. I hope you like it. I gave Janeway a lot less of a potty mouth in this story. In the future, there are unisex bathrooms so no going into the wrong one, ha. **


End file.
